“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.” - Benjamin Disraeli
I wish I didn’t help you feel more love for me than I feel for you. I wish I wasn’t such a pathetic liar. I wish I never hurt you for I know you never deserved it. I wish I loved myself so I could even be capable of irresistibly loving you. I wish I did love you the way you love me just so I can make you happy all the time. I wish you didn’t have to go away so that maybe one day I’ll feel just as much love for you that you feel for me. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn and just thought about the actions I’ve committed against you at the time that they were happening.
However, i do not wish i never met you. Maybe there is a God if He was the reason why your love towards me exists. I do not wish we never experienced the things we did together for those are some of the best moments of my life. I truly thought I was fully in love with you like you are with me but the way you look at me with those brilliant blue eyes, I do not return the same gaze. Love cannot be commanded unfortunately, but there is plenty of adoration, admiration, compassion, and love for you as a person in my heart. i do not wish to ever forget you, the beautiful things you’ve taught me and told me, and the lessons I’ve learned from our experiences. I don’t wish to lose you as a best friend.. it would be like losing a diamond found among dirt and stones.
I wish to enjoy these last couple months before you leave and still go through with our plans, but i will understand if you don’t want to.
I wish we never met. I wish I never kissed you when I was drunk that night. I wish I never kissed you that day on the beach. I wish I never said yes. I wish I got rid of you that first time you fucked up. I wish I wasn’t so forgiving. I wish I didn’t waste so much time. I wish I didn’t love you. I wish you actually loved me. I wish I didn’t regret every single moment. I wish I actually meant what I said.
